Does Space Have More Value Than Valuables?
Reposted from January 1, 2021
Ahhh... January 1. The chronological marker reminding us that it's time for something new. I normally take the few weeks surrounding the Christmas holiday and New Years to clear off my desk, chuck out a ton of email and generally “clean house.” For the first year in memory I did not make New Year’s resolutions, but instead had a thoughtful talk with myself about what I need to be really happy in this life. I decided that this year would be different and I would ACTUALLY clean out the house instead of simply focusing on my desk.
After spending time on some personal growth efforts in the past few months, I realized a few things about myself, which included: 1) Like my parents, I have a predisposition to hoarding; and 2) I have acquired SO MUCH STUFF over the years that isn’t my style, or I don’t need or want in my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about the value of stuff, and why we “collect” (I’m applying one of my other resolutionist talking points- being kinder to myself) things. As we know, value is in the eye of the beholder, but when does the value of space and absence of clutter surpass the value of “valuables?”
After losing friends and two siblings from the age of 12, I held onto many things which had significant emotional meaning. I came of age during the 1990 oil crises and then professionally lived through (surviving by the skin of my teeth) the dot com crash. On the daily my heart aches over the amount of garbage choking our oceans, land, and outer space, and regularly push away feelings of guilt over not doing more. I’m sure you can relate. In my experience, these are the three key reasons why people “collect.” Because someone owned or gifted something to you. You are cash-strapped, or fear being poor or losing your source of income or savings as a result of something catastrophic. And finally, because waste makes you feel crazy. You know what I mean… that errant lidless Tupperware at the back of your drawer that’s been there for 5 years because the lid could turn up or because “someone else could use it, so I’m holding onto it” you hold onto everything. In part, you’re probably a lover of nature and concerned for the environment. Sometimes we hold onto things out of the principle that we paid good money for it, and for some wild reason, that's why we hold onto it. I realized this isn't serving me!
I think to a specific example of a thoughtful gift my mother had given me. It was a framed print on canvas of my grandmother’s house in Santa Monica, CA. That house held so many memories for everyone in my family, but I had two issues with this piece. One, I realized that my family tended to place too much emphasis on things, but not on people. My mother never had pictures of anyone on the wall, just artwork, and frankly is a bit of a shut-in, which I tend to think can make one feel unmoored or a little lonely. Two, it really did not meld with anything I owned. The print color was not true to the original, and it stood out like a sore thumb on the wall. I found it more important to fill the wall space this would otherwise take up with pictures of my family and ancestors. I came to understand that the picture really didn’t have meaning- just represented the meaning of our shared history and family gatherings in that house. We don’t all have the same philosophy though, so I offered it to my cousin who was happy to give it a home on her walls.
While in the nascent stages of contemplating this shift in my life, I began watching Marie Kondo while doing things like folding laundry. Transfixed, I watched as she folded panties (her hands seem to imply this great sense of intent) and taught people how to let go of things that no longer served them, sending their belongings off to a new home. I had this growing discomfort originating from my belly, but I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing it. I like order. I like pretty things. I love boxes and label makers, why would this make me feel so uneasy? Then it hit me… if I clear my life of all these things causing chaos, what does my new life look like? Does ridding my life of these things mean I’m abandoning someone or something that I care about? Ouch. I was feeling a lot of fear and a boat load of guilt.
After checking in with myself further, a few visits to my therapist, a few more episodes of the darling Ms. Kondo, and a handful of yoga classes, my inner wisdom kicked in and I began feeling okay about letting it all go. Things are nice, but healthy relationships and time spent doing things we love are so much more fulfilling. As I began to work, I jotted down some tips that worked for me that I’d love to share.
TIPS FOR CREATING SPACE • Take photos of things of meaning that you no longer have space for. Create an album on your phone or computer and be disciplined about moving those photos into the album as you take them. • Recognize that while thought and love may have gone into a gift someone gave you, you are under no obligation to keep it. Someone can use it, so let it go. • Put it in a bag by your front door. Try to add to the bag, but don’t let it sit there longer than a week. • Put it in your car. Right now. Sometimes, it’s better to just cut the strings quickly and get it out before you change your mind. Drop it off the next time you’re near a donation center.
• If it’s something of value (let’s say over $20), you can try to sell it on Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, Etsy or Ebay. You can even do porch pickup or put the item outside your front door for ease and leave instructions for where to leave payment. This can backfire, though, and you can be stuck with things collecting dust in a new location. I have a rule that if it’s under a certain value, and it doesn’t leave in under a week, it’s getting donated.
Using this methodology, I recouped about $425 in two weeks from items I was going to otherwise discard and what didn't sell was donated. I still have plenty to clean out, but as I have time to go through each box of objects I thought I needed to keep for one reason or another, a deep sense of satisfaction is setting in. I’ve also recognized, however, that not all collections are the type to bury us alive. I continue to work on filling my own refuge with space, love and peace in abundance day by day. Wishing you peace and tranquility in your place of refuge.
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